hi guys,

i was wondering if this is in anyway fair:-
after a break up the dad remains in the house and the mum moves out, joint custody is decided and a 'no to csa involvement is agreed' from both sides, then one year later the mum goes to csa and gets awarded a monthly figure as she made initial contact, has child benefit ( something which was agreed on to help the mum support herself after the break up ) etc so is decided to be the caring parent or whatever crap they term it, then you sit down and realise dad has had the kids over night more than mum. dads also bought clothes, toys etc and of course supports them when at the home they lived in before the break up.



regards,

one upset and disillusioned dad.

justme123 wrote:
hi guys,

i was wondering if this is in anyway fair:-
after a break up the dad remains in the house and the mum moves out, joint custody is decided and a 'no to csa involvement is agreed' from both sides, then one year later the mum goes to csa and gets awarded a monthly figure as she made initial contact, has child benefit ( something which was agreed on to help the mum support herself after the break up ) etc so is decided to be the caring parent or whatever crap they term it, then you sit down and realise dad has had the kids over night more than mum. dads also bought clothes, toys etc and of course supports them when at the home they lived in before the break up.



regards,

one upset and disillusioned dad.

Contact the child benefit agency and let them know the "arrangements". They will question your ex in turn.

Get ready for your ex to move all the goalposts and deny you any contact whatsoever.

But.... if you act first!!!!

Sounds like she has had some advice from a nosey mate.

When its one party's word against the other in a shared care case the CSA will always deem the Parent with Care to be the one in receipt of Child Benefit. Make an application for Child benefit online. They will send you a form to complete to detail the care arrangements. She will get the same form. Be warned though, they will stop her child benefit whilst it is sorted out....12-16 weeks. You could always agree to receive the child benefit for one child each. It's going to get tricky with the ex but she needs to understand she can't have it all ways up. The children need to be able to live to the same level with each party.

I read this with interest as our child benefit used to be paid to the joint account, all the correspondence from the child benefit agency was addressed to the stbx but she never paid any attention to it. I used to sort out all the filing and stuff as she found it boring.

Anyway when she moved out she got the child benefit changed to be paid into an account in her name, and to be fair she does earn a lot less than me (although she only works half the hours!). I also pay her child maintenance.

The thing that irritates me is that I have stayed in the fmh and like Justme have had the children more than half time since she moved out (significantly more in some months) and I am seriously wondering why the child benefit should be paid just to her and whether it should revert back to the joint account? It is after all a benefit for children and not a type of income support.

I have all all the old correspondence from the benefits agency and looking at their web site it seems I could just change the bank account details back to the joint account so they start paying into that account. But I am not sure if I should actually do that in case it is deemed illegal or just write to the benefits agency.

Any thoughts?

CSA should be paid to the Parent with Care by the non-resident parent. THe Parent with Care is ordinarily the parent who has the children for the most overnight stays on average. However, if there is any doubt Child Benefit is the deciding factor. As the CHB is in your ex's name it would be fraudulent to change the bank account without her consent.

Your case would be with HMRC to prove you are the primary carer and therefore should receive the CHB, as well as daily care, food etc (note difference, CSA is overnight only) , they will also look where the children are registered as living with school, doctors etc. It seems to me you should be getting the CHB and maintenance. But if you're not using CSA it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to come to an agreement that you pay your ex something if she has a substantially lower income, its in the interests of your children, after all. Perhaps you could claim the CHB and pay her a proportion....

my 2 kids are the main thing to me, i couldnt risk being parted from them for a second, i drop em off and im still in a state of fighting the tears before ive walked back home. this is over 2.5 yrs btw. i had to do over-time to be able to pay bills and i did as much as was needed. but now my overtime has stopped and im financially screwed.. if i lose my house i have to move to my parents.. 70 miles away and then i will not see my children.. and it is killing me as i type, never mind if it happens.. how can i live in a f**ked up way.. its breaking me it really is.


this is a moment of emotional out bursty.. im sorry id love to keep it appropriate but sometimes i cant its frickin tough.. i find even talking about it so hard to keep myself under control and i dont mean to whinge

Just me, I don't know the financial situation of your ex but you need to make sure you're getting all you are en­title­d to. If you have the children more you should be receiving Child Benefit, maintenance and possibly tax credits depending on your earnings.

I would apply online to HMRC to see what you can get.

I realise it may be tricky because it could affect their mother's finances but the benefits are there for the children so they should be paid to the Primary Carer.

Or like I say you could agree to claim for one child each, then you can both get CHB, scrap the CSA (or counter claim) and both maybe get the right level of tax credits....

Keep your chin up, you've come this far, it will get easier xx