Hi Everyone

I'm a male NRP with 2 fantastic kids (aged 11 and 12). I've been divorced for nearly 3 years now, and during that time, despite me paying good money in CM, my ex totally refuses to share the job of conveying the children for contact. In the last 3 years, I've covered about 26000 miles to maintain contact with them.

Is there anything I can do to have her share the load? (I've tried asking, the response was a very long version of 'No')

Thanks for any help.

Hi F
Not sure there is a 'legal' answer to this think its down to negotiation but more knowledgeable folk may be along later. How far do you live from the children? And why is this? If she uprooted them and chose to live along way away then its only fair she shares the travel.
Suppose it depends on individual circumstances. I don't drive my kids at all now. When x lived locally I did but now he has chosen to move away to be with OW I think its his job. He does get free car and petrol through work.

26,000 miles is a lot of miles. I am presuming that you live some distance from your children. If this is the case, who was the parent that moved areas to cause the distance?

If it was you then you would be expected to facilitate contact with your children. If it was your ex-wife, then I believe if you are paying through the CSA that you could in fact ask for a reduction in order to maintain contact with your children, although not sure what sort of reduction they offer.

What is the main reason you feel your ex should do her share of the journey for contact? Is it financial, or time related?

You have also mentioned that you are worried that your children are not benefitting from your CM.

There is little you can do to ensure that this goes to your children directly for things such as clothes and toys. My CM goes towards either my mortgage or my food bill each month. The money that my ex pays me doesn't allow for me to always buy the children clothes etc.

Although I do take your point about the car and them both being students.

Sorry, I have responded to your other post here as well.

Regards Sarah

Sarah is right, if you are having to pay signifcant money toward visiting your child you can have your CM reduced accordingly. You need to ask for a Variation Application form and apply for contact costs.

Roads only work one way is the strongly held belief of many ex wifes!
It's a diggy control thing.If you want to see the kids you'll have to pick them up and drop them off!
Good Luck
All the best
Pete

And some dads!!!

In my experience my x has never come to see his kids I have always had to take them to him. Not that he sees them very often.

In fact this week I drove for 1 hour each way and sat in a carpark for 20 mins whilst he saw them!! Ironically he took the train through my town earlier that day and was 10 mins from my house and couldn't pick them up!

ho hum

so its not just ex wives ... just exs in general

We are having the same problem and taking it through Court - will let you know if we have any joy.

We have had responses like " I am not doing it", " I cannot change my plans to pick them up" and then cancelling the whole visit instead so clearly a case of not wanting my husband to see his chidlren rather than not being able to change plans!