Hi I will explain facts as briefly as I can

married 8 years, together 10.
One child aged 10 lives with me.

Husband left in feb2007 for woman at work, and until august paid all salary into joint account, taking £400 cash for spending money. In August he stopped everything and severred our bank accounts. I now pay mortgage on FMH and have done since Aug 07. I have had house up for sale since Jan but no takers.

House worth approx £230K - mortgage £195K

We have debts of about £20K (joint)

He earns £60K and rents £500 per month

He pays daughters school fees £600 per month which come to an end in April as she will be going to state school after that.

I have been made redundant twice this year with no settlement and am now studying to retrain as a lawyer and am working part time, my income is £9000 per year including tax credits.

Currently he gives me £500 per month maintenance.

So problem is he has moved out of the house and does not want it, although he has offered me £20K to go and take everything with me, and he will live in house and sell it. Trouble is £20K is not enough for me to be able to buy again, as solicitors bills are £12K, and he will have FMH and daughter and I nothing.

Have tried to get mortgage into my name but mortgage co say no because I do not own earn enough, also if I move out will not be able to get another mortgage.

I have asked him to sign house over to me so we can stay and I have some control, as we have been living under a cloud of moving out for eighteen months, and give me csa maintenance, he says we are miles apart and wants to go to FDR. My solicitor has also asked for spousal maintenance for three years until I am qualified, of £400 per month, but I am not expecting to get that.

Question is - am I being unreasonable and what am I likely to get? and what should I expect from an FDR, I am horribly unprepared for this as have been trying to avoid court at all costs.

I cannot stand the upset and bitterness anymore - I loved him with all my heart and his latest e-mail to me says he hates me more than he has ever hated anyone and more than he ever will hate anyone.

The priorities of the Courts would be towards the needs and welfare of the child and the parent-with-care. Assuming you?

He's liable to pay 15% towards the child, and since your incomes are so vastly different; I think your solicitor is being realistic with an application for spousal support; (at least until you have completed your training).

The problem with him being unreasonable is this: You have less than £30k equity in the house. You have £20k debts. The cost of fighting this in court could wipe out any equity in legal fees. (Many people here spend over £50k going to a Full Hearing). So sooner or later; you'll both need to weigh up the costs of fighting....

How many bedrooms does the house have? If it exceeds your needs; he 'could' ask the court to order a sale; but this is unlikely if the costs and upheavel of moving you would not produce a better result. He could retain part-ownership of the property (read up on Mesher Orders) without being able to sell until the child is eighteen, or completes full-time education.
Once you are earning; you could offer to buy him out.

With his salary; I imagine the judge will award enough maintenance to you to be able to either retain the family home, or purchase a smaller property with a managable mortgage.

If you are legally represented; you don't have to do much presentation.

Out of curiosity; if he wants you to up and go: where does he suggest you and your child go to?

Other quickie: Is your child his?(You say ten yr-old child; together ten yrs... so just checking on that?)

Hi emma
I don't think you're being unreasonable asking for SM of £400 per month. Your child's needs will be a court's priority, not your ex's. Don't go anywhere. Your child needs a stable home while you're studying. The judge at my AR hearing was most understanding and appreciated the fact I was halfway through my degree and wouldn't be able to find work the day after I graduated, as my ex expected.

Sera's reply can give you more info re what you're likely to get but I will say that regarding the bitterness... strap yourself in. You're a fly in the ointment of your ex's future plans and it's likely there's more in store unless you're willing to roll over and disappear which, of course, you're not. Sorry to sound harsh but that is how he regards you now. Try not to take it personally and keep the welfare of your child in mind - this will give you the strength you need to cope with the upset and bitterness. Good luck.

emmafaye wrote:
I cannot stand the upset and bitterness anymore - I loved him with all my heart and his latest e-mail to me says he hates me more than he has ever hated anyone and more than he ever will hate anyone.
All of that sounds like an angry vent in his darkest moment; around the time he may start to have regrets; that is often how people react. (Blind panic, fear...loathing etc)

It also seems a common process of intimidation - as if by insulting you this way; you will adopt such low-self worth; that you may well start to believe that you'll fare no better than his paltry offer.

Milly and many other girls here will keep you focused on staying strong for your childs sake.
I didn't put in a claim for spousal support; but I did say I was re-training for a new career; the judge was very kind; and actually made a point of wishing me very good luck with it. (It just felt good to hear that) and you training to be a Lawyer - will almost certainly be smiled on!

Thank you all for your messages, the thing is I am now at a stage where I am starting to doubt myself, I cannot understand why my husband is persuing this as there is nothing left to fight for. His latest tactic is to say if the judge awards me all of what I want he will resign from his job!!!!

Thanks for the words of wisdom......

I will stay strong.

Anyone have any views on representing oneself at final hearing, as they want £1000 upfront and I just don't have it.

thanks

Emma

emmafaye wrote:Anyone have any views on representing oneself at final hearing, as they want £1000 upfront and I just don't have it.

Hi Emma,
There are several wiki users who are self-reppers; and several disgruntled wiki users who are fed up with a system of obtaining 'justice' which is just too expensive for us mere mortals.

I was asked at First Hearing why I wasn't legally represented; (can't afford it) and judge asked my ex to 'lend' me £10,000 to seek some legal advice.

However, I am hearing Costs on this board of £30,000-£80,000 to settle matters to full Hearing. I also know personal friends who had pulled out at having spent £100,000 on legal fees and another couples' bill was £150,000 because they had complicated business valuations, which is similar to what I'd have needed.

Between us we have now spent £35,000 (with me using only very limited rescources when I needed them, actual divorce, help with Form E etc)and that has just reached the posponed first meeting.
You can get a lot of help on wiki; but you'll need to be very strong.

hi emma,
welcome to wiki.
It is obvious that your x2b is trying the bulling tactic,and should not submit to this.
If there is so much disparity in your income I am surprised that your solocitor did not put in for your husband to pay your you a regular amount to cover court case.
First thing my solicitor did was to apply for maintenance pending suit .£1500 a month was asked and granted in full by the judge ,who thought that was a modest sum nowadays.
I must admit that I have not seen a penny of this yet ,but it makes it easier for me knowing that in the end he will have to make good all my borrowing to cover the cost.
I am sure even without much equity in the house you are at an advantage going to FH.He will end up signing the house over to you in my humble opinion.
Good luck with your studies.
Be strong ,you will get there

xxxx