Hi Mr Blogman and my lovely wiki pals..

 a quick blog...im nervous..

ex is coming round tomorrow night to discuss stuff...particulars I think I've called it.

im dreading it !!!!!!!!!

for some reason ive been cleaning like a mad woman, not that my home is not clean you understand but just because i wanted everything spotless...why tho ???? i want this to look like a loving family home (yes ok me and my kittens !!) not like some show room house !!  slow down daisy !

i am seriously worried though, the last time i saw him was the night before grandma's funeral and that was the 17th july...thats

I feel guilty for lying to work to get a few days off to sort head out.  I told them my father had a heart attack and need time off.  If i didn't I wouldn't have a job coz of too many sick days due to stress.  Feel so guilty using my father and especailly an illness like that.  My mum is terminally ill with cancer but didn't want to use that.

I just need a few days for me to sort my heard out and see if hubby will keep promise.  Guilty but needed.  Otherwise the way my head was going i would have taken another

I thought id start a blog, to try and get some of this negative energy out of me.

Not feeling right at the moment, im very panicky and my heart wont stop racing.

Ive gone through every emotion under the sun today.

Im so scared of being alone, i just feel so down and lonely and he seems fine, its not fair, why cant he feel some of the pain im feeling, mind you why would he, its him that has told me he doesnt love me and wants to be on his own.

I woke up this morning so sad and scared, he picked me up because i had to sort clothes etc out, now he's gone to work. I have so many questions that i need