Here goes, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). Apologies if this is a bit long, but a lot has happened in my world recently.

Been debating with myself whether to put anything in writing in the big wide world for all to see. To be honest, I think it's all for my benefit - a kind of therapy, making sense of it all. Up until recently (and I mean *really* recently) everything was bottled up, never discussed and all was rosy. But it's not and hasn't been for ages.

My marriage to J has been pretty unsteady for a long while. Been married for over 15 years and

Here  I am a 42 year old man married with 3 kids (12, 10,& 4) and until 3 weeks ago looking to have a future with the only woman I have ever loved.

Now I find myself relegated to the spare room (only as a temporary measure until I have somewhere to go) with a wife who states she does not want to be married to me and wants me out.

How did this happen?

Background 

We had known each other for 3 years before getting together and moving in together, married 2 years later and I was expecting to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in October.

The last 15 years has not been all rosy there have been

Or should i say why cant i die?

    sorry if i sound so low, but im having an awful time at the moment. The reason i cant die  is because of my kids,they have got a crappy mother, who doesnt give a sh.t about them,so therefore i have to be strong for them. trouble is i dont want to be strong any more,i have had enough, even after having had a heart attack, my so called family and friends still dont care enough to ring, just to see if im alright,so i have to carry on on my own. this is my only outlet, i do try going onto the forums,but i have no confidence,so i watch for a few minutes,then