Mid August...

Week has been taken up with house hunting activities, wading through long lists from local estate agents. Very little catches my eye, which again worries me. But I find one I really like and get quite excited about it. Take advise and decide to wait until the next week before putting in an offer (don't want to appear too keen).

Come home on Saturday morning (covering J's day shift) to find that in the week since I last came, the kitchen's a mess, youngest has slept in her clothes, middle two have been up all night, there's little food in the house, the cat litter tray hasn't

Here goes, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). Apologies if this is a bit long, but a lot has happened in my world recently.

Been debating with myself whether to put anything in writing in the big wide world for all to see. To be honest, I think it's all for my benefit - a kind of therapy, making sense of it all. Up until recently (and I mean *really* recently) everything was bottled up, never discussed and all was rosy. But it's not and hasn't been for ages.

My marriage to J has been pretty unsteady for a long while. Been married for over 15 years and

Here  I am a 42 year old man married with 3 kids (12, 10,& 4) and until 3 weeks ago looking to have a future with the only woman I have ever loved.

Now I find myself relegated to the spare room (only as a temporary measure until I have somewhere to go) with a wife who states she does not want to be married to me and wants me out.

How did this happen?

Background 

We had known each other for 3 years before getting together and moving in together, married 2 years later and I was expecting to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in October.

The last 15 years has not been all rosy there have been