I have not "blogged" for some time...been abusing the forum space instead. It's one of those blogs without a purpose aside from cathartic rambling...it's one of the only things that keeps me sane right now. OK...so the situation. Well, she's still here until the new flat comes off (two more weeks perhaps - she has nowhere to go and I will not kick her out - it's her flat too). We live in a 2 bed flat - which makes it hard to ensure complete avoidance of each other. Our agreement is that we'll keep out of each other's way in the days - as far as possible - and she'll stay with her friend in

Someone asked me the other day what's going on in my head...I had no idea where even to begin...how can you portray it to someone? The below is what my thoughts are doing right now: I love her. Can't believe she's going. Was it really that bad? What did I do wrong? I love her. Is this just a blip? Can the future bring us a new start? I love her. Could I have done more? It's the last six months that did it, I should have been more perfect. I let her down. I love her. I've lost her. My own stupid fault. How could I not see things were slipping? Why did she not communicate earlier? I love

Thanks for the thoughtful comments yesterday. I truly appreciate it. You gave me lots to think about. Why do I allow myself to be abused? Why do I reengage her on the divorce questions? Do I look for approval from others and not from within? Just how good is my self esteem? On the marriage, I know I need a break from it. A sustained break. Perhaps a permanent break. It's hard to admit that and will be harder still to look her in the eyes and not mince my words. She's taking the kids away for Spring Break this week so I'll have some time alone which I think will be good. I'm going to drive for