Back to feeling rock bottom again. I thought I would be ok but after yesterdays panic I am emotionally back to being a complete mess again. I drank far too much last night as my head is a bad place to be and thought and tried to be good as in NO TEXTING!!!! Yeah right, did the begging ones.

When am i going to realise it is over. He is lying to me when he says things, I know now he wants his both lives, not just me. I gotta get it in my head he has moved on (he didn't deny barmaid was still on scene when he replied this time - more hurt). He has new life, new husband stealing tart, lovely new

This is the part of the week I hate, the WEEKEND!!! When everyone is happy family and it reminds me how sad and alone I am. Supermarkets full of families, today is the regatta - woop woop - loads families. This is where I get angry as he if filling his weekend and having great fun socialising whilst I at home broke, looking after kids and lonely.

I didn't blog yesterday as was cross. I have been excluded from his uncle's funeral. He is going up to his sisters the night before and then they travelling up from there. He hadn't even considered that after knowing the guy so many yrs I might want

I have decided to write my emotions down as they are just so stupidly differing sometimes from hour to hour let alone day to day.

Today I woke up at 4am and wanted to smash his face in, I also want to smash the barmaids face in. I have no family thanks to her and he is a cheating liar.

Last night he told me by txt that his uncle had died, someone I have known for 18 years, and actually spoke to more than he did. By TEXT?????? I tried ringing but he wouldn't pick up, texted saying he would call this am. Then my head starts running away. He said he was going to the pub with Clive, surely if he