im not going to address this to my usual Mr Blogman....

this is a special message to my wiki friends....

"thank you"

for simply being there, for reading my blog re grandma, for all your kind words and poems all of which i have printed off just deciding which one to use when i do my reading, for all your txt's, telephone calls and mesgs left.  I have been completely choked by all the warm and love that you have shown...

the support that i feel i have had from you words just cannot describe...i showed them all to mum who promptly burst into tears...

so ive had today, everything sorted re funeral,

Dear Mr Blogman...

 its 6.30am, ive been awake since 5.45am....and the tears just wont stop coming.

grandma's gone, she passed away last night approx 8pm...Im sorry to do this here, but so many of my wiki friends have been asking after her and giving me so much support over the last 2 weeks since she became ill.   i didnt want to come into chat and talk about it really, there's to much going on in chat, and yet I really wanted to let my wiki friends know.

i feel like i have to talk about it...and theres no one here...

mum decided to go down yesterday after work and asked me if i wanted to go...i

I am trying to work my way through this. I am trying to find some peace with this. I take into consideration the situation on the whole. And I keep questioning myself.

It is clear that I haven't done the right thing in the past. I should've asked him to leave the minute I found out about the affair. I should have asked him to leave well before then, when his treatment of me left me miserable, drained and broken.

It was unbearable. He was living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and yet he'd be huffing and puffing complaining about everything, then go out (to go to her?), only to