Hi.

Thought I'd sign in as I wrote my first entry then promptly abandoned my blog to go off for the weekend, camping with my children. I've only mentioned my son up until now but I also have a daughter (in her 20s) from my first marriage (my first husband died). It was really good to get away & spend some quality time with the children- they keep me going - I truly believe that I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for them.

Our weekend was fantastic. A festival with loads of music & even more mud!

My annoyance is....& I hate to admit it.....I found myself catapulted back in time. Even

Back to feeling rock bottom again. I thought I would be ok but after yesterdays panic I am emotionally back to being a complete mess again. I drank far too much last night as my head is a bad place to be and thought and tried to be good as in NO TEXTING!!!! Yeah right, did the begging ones.

When am i going to realise it is over. He is lying to me when he says things, I know now he wants his both lives, not just me. I gotta get it in my head he has moved on (he didn't deny barmaid was still on scene when he replied this time - more hurt). He has new life, new husband stealing tart, lovely new

This is the part of the week I hate, the WEEKEND!!! When everyone is happy family and it reminds me how sad and alone I am. Supermarkets full of families, today is the regatta - woop woop - loads families. This is where I get angry as he if filling his weekend and having great fun socialising whilst I at home broke, looking after kids and lonely.

I didn't blog yesterday as was cross. I have been excluded from his uncle's funeral. He is going up to his sisters the night before and then they travelling up from there. He hadn't even considered that after knowing the guy so many yrs I might want