The more sharp eyed amongst you may have noticed that I have not been on the site as much as I was a few weeks ago ..... Consequently there is some catching up to do as far as my blog is concerned so here goes !

After all these months, things now seem to be moving on .... Today I have had a very good telephone consultation with Rachel from the NFLP AND finally reached an agreement with my husband that we are going to start divorce proceedings AND agreed that he will also give mediation a try ... shock horror ! I have therefore struck whilst the iron is hot and have booked us in for our first

I've been trying to understand what I am going through

I have failed.

I don't understand what's happening to me.

I am aware that adultery, betrayal and the end of love and end of marriage are all causes of great sadness.

I am not in despair. I know I will be ok. But I also know that this is very hard to get over. If and when I do get over it, the pain will have subsided but I will have lost the energy and the will to love again. It is very sad I know.

I am aware that I have failed. Miserably

I failed to keep my family together. I failed to keep him by my side. I failed to protect the children

I have just got back from Albert Heijn, (supermarket) and pick up dinner... for one... and am still trying to make the effort and not fall into 'chicken ding' or pizza mode... 

I have just got back into the flat and done the usual.... open the door and shout "Hi honey I am home", I smile to myself as I wait for a response, knowing that it will never come...  the strange ways that I find to amuse myself nowadays...

So I start cooking, poached salmon in white wine, and put the asparagus onto boil and pour myself a glass of Chablis.

With the exception of the bubbling water there is Silence in the