Just a quick blog before I go to bed and try to get back to sleep. Been awake 2.5 hours now. Need to be up in 3 hours. A million and one thoughts in my head. And most sensible people are asllep. Not even anyone in chat at the moment. So if anyone else is awake , and feeling lonely too, pop into

He wanted to come over and get some more clothes etc, so I arranged to be out all day. Went to lunch with mum and the kids, and spent afternoon shopping with them. Had quite a good day, when I got home I checked exactly what had gone, he has cleared out all his clothes, all paperwork, and taken his precious cricket memorabilia. The drawers are now completely empty, and the hangers swing in the empty wardrobes. On the one hand it's good as it means he has no excuse to return, but on the other it's just so desperately sad.

He has also taken his driving licence and passport, so maybe he can go on

And things still don't feel any better!

Have made the step of contacting a counsellor, and have an appointment for next week. In the meantime, he has been emailing me again, saying that he's sorry and he wants to make this 'mess' (his words) as easy to sort out as possible.

Nice to know that the the last 9 years of my life have been reduced to a 'mess' that he needs to sort out as quickly as he can. That makes me feel really great. I still cannot understand how one minute everything's fine and he's texting me every morning saying he loves me and to have a good day, to this....

He says he cares