Well folks ... I managed to drag myself back to work and I am glad I did :)

It was nice to get back and get back into the thick of things ! I do realise that I am responsible totally for myself now I am alone and that developing my career to secure my financial future is vitally important. Keeping things together at work is vitally important to me but occasionally it all gets too much and I need to take some time away to regroup, get some 'head space' and get things back into perspective. Obviously I cannot do this too often but sometimes it is necessary for my mental health so I take it

I have that sinking feeling again

I have'nt felt like this for a long while

I want to say it isn't depression. I want to say it isn't uncertainty. I want to say lots of things but I am not sure where the truth lies.

I need not to sink. The last time this happened I sank very slowly, and woke up a couple of years later to realize that i was already sunk but han't noticed till it was too late. No one noticed till it was too late.

This time I recognise the symptoms. I need not to let myself sink. and I don't know what to do to stop it.

I realise it needs some action on my part. But I cannot see me

  Well another weekend. People think that as time passes, we come to terms with issues like this. Well thats not really true. Yes, some people get over things quicker than others, but they're the lucky ones. Tomorrow it will be four months since I was told this news, and it doesn't get easier. There are times when all I do is cry like a baby, yes those days are less frequent,  but they are still coming. It keeps going through my head that maybe we should have done things differently. That maybe we should have had the family that we always wanted. But maybe they would now be caught in the