Wow, totally winded now. How thnigs can change in a few hours. He texted a few times and then rang. Ooops he changed his mind again. No reconciliation, just friendship and sex on offer. Actually forced him to talk about barmaid and he now say they friends, mentioned re' all his friends thought they were a couple, he denied it again. He is feeling hard done by as he says it's alright for us women as we keep the family home, kids etc etc but the poor blokes lose everything. AWWWWWWW someone pass him a tissue. He said he would have to find someone with a home as he hasn't got one of his own now,

Back to feeling rock bottom again. I thought I would be ok but after yesterdays panic I am emotionally back to being a complete mess again. I drank far too much last night as my head is a bad place to be and thought and tried to be good as in NO TEXTING!!!! Yeah right, did the begging ones.

When am i going to realise it is over. He is lying to me when he says things, I know now he wants his both lives, not just me. I gotta get it in my head he has moved on (he didn't deny barmaid was still on scene when he replied this time - more hurt). He has new life, new husband stealing tart, lovely new

Or should i say why cant i die?

    sorry if i sound so low, but im having an awful time at the moment. The reason i cant die  is because of my kids,they have got a crappy mother, who doesnt give a sh.t about them,so therefore i have to be strong for them. trouble is i dont want to be strong any more,i have had enough, even after having had a heart attack, my so called family and friends still dont care enough to ring, just to see if im alright,so i have to carry on on my own. this is my only outlet, i do try going onto the forums,but i have no confidence,so i watch for a few minutes,then