just coming out of a down spike emotionally. its always triggered by monthly hormones which seem to wash my head full of memories. just the turn of his head. trips out. Holidays. Him in the house are usually full of memories of his temper and bad black moods but we had such great times out and about. I miss that. i miss being stuck in and I miss not being able to go to all the places I want to go to. I had discussed going to Camp bestival with him 2 years ago - we decided not to go that year as i would be 8 months pregnant but we had mentally planned it in for the future - then he left.

ok, so just yell if you're sick of reading about my ongoing saga. It does help me to write it down and then reread my thoughts as well as your comments. My wife told me today that she is indeed talking with her lover again. I don't check phone records any more because I simply don't care. I asked her what she is doing and all she could say is I don't know. I can hear Patrick yelling at me "arrrrrghhh, divorce her ass now!!!". I will Patrick but I promised to give myself some time and I am going to take it. Also, the kids are doing ok in this current situation and I want to move slowly. I have

it was one of my son's birthday. I checked my phone to make sure there were no texts from other parents re his party & saw a text from the ex who I last saw lunchtime on Fri - when due to his behaviour I said he had to do future contact re kids through solicitors as he should have been doing since Jul anyway. He's sent this text on Fri at 5pm basically telling me a film we had watched together in bed years ago is on sale on the web. i sent one back saying "thanks for thinking of me" then sat down and cried. What is that all about? I pull away - he pushes back? testing the no contact rule?