My first blog but I thought that it would help me to sort out my feelings.  After two suicide attempts, one only wiki knows about I rang into work this morning claiming that I need to go to Ireland due to a family illnes for a few days.  False of course but i've had enough sick days off and I really need to get my head together.

I phoned my husbands's cousin and he got in touch with my ex.  They came around.  My husband is now claiming he loves me and doesn't want me to die.  Time will tell if he keeps his promises of counselling and keeping in contact.

 I can't sleep so I've  come on here to

I think this has been the worst week I have ever had. After my last blog where he said he didn't love me I hit the bottom. I wouldn't commit suicide but it's what my brain was telling me to do, I was throwing up, non stop crying and well you all know what it's like. It got worse on friday as my 15yr old had enough and went to my sisters. Before people think why didn't I go to the dr before to get help, I couldn't, I was waiting for a medical report to be done for a new job that I start on 1st Oct, I need the job as it is my fresh start and without it I can't afford mortgage. The report was

Another session with the x2b including me virtually begging her to stop all this hurt and try to work things out with me  but she says she has moved on and does not want to be married to me - heard that somewhere before  - but I just can't accept it.

Over the last month she has lost a lot of weight and at the weekend had her hair done (yes I was on kid duty) and now looks just like the stunning woman I married 15 years ago, I feel so gutted and jealous she has the looks status ambition and opportunity to find someone new. Told me tonight that I was probably a better husband than most and