Just want to get my head around something here, your feedback would mean a lot.

I first noticed the following trait about my wife, and over the years there have been many instanceswhere this trait has reared it's ugly head.

Years ago and at 3.00 in the morning I woke up. Struggling to get breath. I have slight asthma. I mean, it wasn't the end of the world, but tight chested and in need of my inhaler.  But my inhaler had run out.

"Can you call the doctor?" I asked?

"Certainly not" came the reply, "...it's your own fault that you smoke..."

Now, maybe, just maybe I'm wrong and she's right. I mean, I

I've woken up today and felt a wave of desire come over me to "Write It Down".

 You see, nearly a year ago something happened in our house (which I'll write about later).

 In my eyes, what happened was, well - extra-ordinary.

So upset by it was I at that time, I took myself off to the doctors. I had been meaning to go anyway, I'd been feeling low up until that point anyway and needed to chat with someone about the levels of my drinking that had been rising.

 I suppose like all qualified people, she did something quite clever. Of course the drinking is a bad idea, but what's important is what's

Flipped out big style last night. Lesson to self - do not try and box emotions up with kick up backside as they are not ready to go away yet. He's not ready to come back but he's still dangling that carrot. I have no idea whether I want him back or not, I just want to stop hurting. I sobbed and sobbed, another nights lost sleep and such pain. I managed to work for 3 hours but back to achieving diddly again. Can't go to drs for any pills until medical for new job done. Hopefully next week, then some sanity. I am just going to have to accept I am a mess and I can't clear it up yet or on my own.