Hello again.

God am i thick.

Now i feel like i've been used again as a support for her.

She wants us to be friends but i'm not in a place for that yet.

I've got to move on and get confident and keep putting myself first.

Work tommorow hooaargh lets go!

Gym after lets get it on!

All night on wiki oh yeahhhhhhhhhhh!

(well til bedtime obviously)

See you later guys, done enough waffling for one day.

Take care.

Okay back to reality.

I went to see my two youngest today and really wasnt in a good place. I mean i wasnt feeling very strong mentally to face her again.

I arrived and she said about getting a McDonnalds for dinner and split the cost as it looked like rain and my daughter was a bit poorly anyway so i agreed to stay there while i saw the kids.

The usual thing happened of course and as soon as everyone was comfortable i began to pine for my wife.

This normally involves me ushering her into the kitchen for a quiet chat away from the kids. And i tell her how i'm not having a great time and can we be

Okay it's Sunday and I'm seeing my little two today and that fills me with a happy thought for seeing them but also an anxious thought about looking after them and all the usual c**p about seeing the house again and missing everything i have lost.

Then of course there is her. 

My stbx and that hurts more than anything. I still love her. I know i do and for all i know i always will.

I thought she was perfect for me and maybe she was back then. Then my confidence began to fade and i began more and more to rely on her for my emotional support, decision making everything. I read a similar blog from