I have been alone for far too long. I cannot remember the last time I ate a meal at home with someone. I feed the children relatively early. And I eat after they sleep, if I eat at all that is.

And because I am insisting that the children get to spend more time with him, there are several days a week when I'll cook the meal and he'll eat with them, whilst I disappear somewhere....

I forget what it's like to eat as a family.

I've spent years living alone; sleeping alone, eating alone, having no one to talk to, confiding in no one. He was just someone who came in at some point with a miserable

Dearest blog reading friends,

I have been thinking, what and earth do I think I have been doing with my self, yeah sure I have loads of reasons why I should be down, lost wife, house, car, children, all the other stuff etc... but thats no reason for being sad and down all the time!

I have been thinking about how hard life is for just about everybody, we all have have all been dealt a bum hand at some point, and do you know what it doesnt matter what they throw at you, its what you do with it that counts.

So, I have started this week how I mean to carry on, I started doing the stuff that I

Scumbag responded to text at 9.30 yesterday with 'ok thanks, will phone hospital and visit'

10mins later-'Have you got no. of hospital and the ward name'

Mmmm I was wondering how he would find out the info, at least he had the commonsense to ask. I dutifully texted only the requested info-then added 'I am only doing this for (sons name).

Son still in hospital, medics still not sure what problem is. Still in a lot of pain, lot of swelling. Physio gave him crutches! Still waiting for an ultrasound on the area.

I was so knackered yesterday. 3hrs sleep. 5hrs at the hospital. 3 hrs travelling there