I went abroad for 3 weeks in March to visit relatives.  We had been out of touch, almost estranged for some 11 years.  However, unexpectedly they have offered to support me while I go through this divorce.  This support has been mainly emotional but they have also offered to become advocates for me when I see my solicitor etc.  I am very greatful for this - it is more than I expected.   I had lost hope of finding any friends in my predicament.

Since March, the time has gone by in a blur of ups and downs with plently of worry and uncertainty.  My solicitor has advised me to stay in the

Well for those that dont know my situation!..i,ll explain a bit of it..

I,ve been fighting custody and visitation court battles for 3 years..the first year my x and the last 2 years my in laws..The judge said if there was no contact with his side of the family...he was scared for my safety..i said i was not willing to sacrafise my children for it....

So we went thro court battles and the judge keept ordering me to take the kids to see them..but the kids have always said they did,nt want to go...so i did,nt take them and i ended up on a 3 month suspended sentance..whitch we took to the court of

They say there is no amicable divorce.

I am very civil to him. And he sees the children as much as their time allows. Sometimes at the expense of my comfort. But I let it be - he needs to see them and they need to see him.

He says the most awful things sometimes. I have been through a lot. Some of it as a direct result of his behaviour and some because life is such. I cannot keep going through this. Sometimes I feel my heart bleeding and I cannot breathe. Sometimes I find myself crying for no reason. And sometimes I am happy as if all is well. The happy times are far less than the bad