Why is it so much more difficult to see things written down on paper that in your head you thought you were dealing with. I received paperwork from my solicitor today with my stbx signed acknowledgement of service form in it. Amongst the details that he is not getting a solicitor or contesting the adultery divorce is his current address for service from the court. When he left in January after I discovered the affair with a very close mutual friend, he was living in a houseshare on the other side of town which is where he still was as far as I knew. Todays little gem of information

I seem to have been going backwards rapidly over the last few weeks. I think I now know why. Its all about accepting it really is over. On the 16th of this month it will have been a year since he walked out without any warning or signs of anything being wrong. I have to be honest with myself and say that all this time I have been clinging on to the hope that he was going to come back, that he would contact me saying he had made the most terrible mistake of his life and beg me to take him back. You know what, I would have said yes, I probably still would. I still don’t get how you can

I'm in a funny place. I do feel very sad right now. Sad at where my marriage is and the impact that has on my kids. Sad about the assumptions I made during my marriage and how wrong I was about certain beliefs. Just very sad about where things sit today and what's going to happen in the short term. I've read that with men they will often use anger to mask sadness because it's ok for a man to be angry but not ok to be sad. So I am taking the time to be sad. The positivity always comes through though. I do feel sad but ultimately I sweep it away by feeling good about the future. I feel grateful