Do you know what I mean by your inner smile?

Your inner smile is something that you cannot pretend to do, something that you cannot hide.

For so many years my inner smile hid itself away. It had no reason to surface.

 After talking to a*j on the phone last night I realised something (well a*j sort of gave me a push in the right direction), thank you to my friend for being there and showing me the light.

I never realised, that for a while I have been hiding away in private chat and not talking in the main chat all that often. All I have shown people lately is my blog world and a horrible world

Just wrote a long blog and have lost it ....

bloody annoyed.

So just notes

Sunday - Told me about rottweiller solicitor who was going to crucify me and not return acknowledgement of service.

Monday - text me to tell me he'd had a nice time with me yesterday. I text back saying give her up and work on the issues and we can have a great life- this lead to an almighty row.

Tuesday - friend tells me that i was stupid he was coming to me saying he had a nice time and I put pressure on him was demanding - and she the ow wouldn't be doing that.

So what ! he is in the wrong. had enough of it now.

this blog

im angry, crying,  fed up, ill with a cold and just slammed the phone down on a friend.

 ok, ive know my friend for approx 6 years..shes been a good friend and when this all started she was there for me....but as times gone on shes started to almost nag, critisize my life and what it has become...

in all honesty i've got about 10/12 true friends, as in ones ive know for years...she was one of them..

over the last 6 mths like most of us here ive become hermit like i guess, cant deal with real life, go to work, come home, go to work, come home....i havent wanted anything else....ive had a few