Well the last few days have been really bad. Nothing has happened but I've been feeling really down, in floods of tears all day. You know, the usual. Other than that I think I've been doing well. I suppose that I've become more familiar, for want of a better word, with the situation. I hate it, don't get me wrong but that's the way it is.

  Now like many I'm not looking forward to Christmas, you know, the time that you spend with loved ones. My parents will be in Spain, but they get here on new years eve. I have vitually no contact with my brothers, that's the way it's been for a long time.

Roasting hot today 42 degs C. Everybody sweating buckets under the unforgiving sun. We had the computer network crash today so I was not able to lose myself in work like I would normally do. Consequence........bad attack of the blues and a crisis of self confidence. Doubting myself, doubting that my analysis of my wife and I's relationship problems. Thinking once again that it was all me that caused the split. My excessive drinking, that I started all the bloody arguements. So I printed out  our e mail fight that I had saved on my laptop.

The clues are all in the language that people use. They

My daughter tells me that her fathers new girlfriend was telling her that if I had wanted to stay I would have found a way.  A refuge, benefits, council house etc....  It is not only cruel to say that to my daughter but incredibly rude to me.  When my kids were here, never once did my boyfriend say a word against their father.  Even when they complained about how he doesn't have time for them, my boyfriend tried to advise them and keep them positive.

My boyfriend says I need to phone my Ex and tell him it is out of line for his girlfriend to talk about me like that, but I don't know how he