AAAAArrrrrrrhhhhhh. 

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhh.

 

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHH.

My life is so surreal - like Alice (hence the title of this blog!), I feel sometimes like I am falling.....!! My stbx is busily ignoring the fact that he IS stbx, despite very clear conversations (or so I thought). He is also busy doing nothing - except exactly what he wants to do. A rather nice (for him) lazy lifestyle - his only occupation is fly-fishing (which is not a cheap hobby). I am working full-time, part-time studying, looking after the family and house, trying to help kids through uni..... Anyway, today he presented me with an invoice for fly-tying goods which took my breath away,

I had hoped that once Thursday was over with that I might feel a little more at peace, sadly it has just confirmed what I though all along. I still feel as lost as ever, probably more so now as I don't have the distraction of a pending court case. I miss her so much and I've probably lost her and I have to deal with that every minute of every day, being in the same space as her but not having her with me.

That's what keeps me awake at night, she's only 12 feet away but might as well be on the other side of the world and the pain of that loss is worse than anything I've ever felt before. You