I know divorce is ugly by its nature. I accept that. Different feelings every day, I get that. Feeling low and isolated, I understand that too.

But I never wanted to be abused, insulted, called names, threatened. Cant a divorce just be "DONE" without causing so much suffering? Cant I be left alone to grieve and get on with my life, spending who knows how long on trying to get my self esteem and my life back, without being put through hell? Whats the point? My stbx feels no guilt, no responsibility, no fear of karma, no worries. Surely that should make him happy enough?

We agreed I would keep

It has been one month today since I discovered the email that would set my new life in motion.

I wish I wasn't going through it.  I wish I had married someone protective, supportive, trustworthy, fun, who wanted to make a life with me, to do things together.

I wish, I wish ... Wishes don't come true sometimes.

He has been gone from the FMH for a week, and I have only seen him once, for an hour to talk. It was hard- really, really hard - in the beginning. It's a bit better now. He tried to tell me I was wrong for kicking him out,  I have caused him a problem, living with his Mum at 37, living

I know one thing about myself, during the day I am nice, calm, lucid. When I am angry, I am a Gremlin. I actually said to him once "If you cross me, you will curl into a ball and I will hurt you, make you pray for the sweet release of death". I say lots of things when I am angry, vile, nasty, ugly things. I dont recognise myself. I have told him that the OW needed to be bitch slapped, she was a desperate whore, that his Mum was a snaggle toothed old witch, that she would live forever cos only the good die young, and that I couldnt wait to deed poll my name back cos seeing his name on