Oh god.... Yesterday morning I was strong, in control and accepting it was over and then it happened...

 He called in the evening and asked if he could come to the house as the no contact with the kids was not getting sorted any other way. I said I couldnt stop him, so he came.

He spent some time with the boys explaining that he loved them, missed them and wanted to see them. He cried a lot too.

He then came into the lounge to see me and although he wouldnt sit down, we talked. I tried to remain calm and although tearful, I told him that I still loved him and missed him ... I couldnt help it....

I am taking each day as it comes and today thinking at least I will see the boys tomorrow!!   Been texting them but get upset if they don't reply as I know especially the eldest is constantly texting his mates also don't know what to say....

Feel quite down today and the black cloud down - didn't sleep kept waking and look terrible but come in to work to keep mind off it hopefully.  

Inever would have left my ex even after all the problems as all I ever wanted was to have a family unit and to me marriage was forever.   I couldn't keep my ex happy and now I have lost my boys  to him who ruined

Evening blog

I didnt think I'd need you tonight but guess what here I am again...what a night and day !!

I got a txt from my ex (this a thing that I dont get why do people call their ex's STBX, when I think after what he's done he is my ex even though still married and not even talking about divorce - should I be calling him STBX ?) anyway get a txt from him last night at 10.30, asking if i was well and had a nice tan and give the kittens his love, ( his mother obviously told him I'd gone away) he also said we must catch up soon and 3 kisses.....I didnt reply but felt sick when I got it..

I