I used to love weekends, the freedom, the me-time and the us-time.  Not now.... more a case of too-much-time!

I have spent the morning killing time, looking at property for sale, working out possible settlement scenarios, justifying whats reasonable, whats not and trying to work out whats best.

 I still dont know whether to move or stay put ... house prices not helping! It doesnt feel like a happy home anymore but it's a nice home as opposed to a not-so nice home we would be forced to moving to ...... assuming we could sell this one in the current climate!

I am also trying to decide whether to

I am taking each day as it comes and today thinking at least I will see the boys tomorrow!!   Been texting them but get upset if they don't reply as I know especially the eldest is constantly texting his mates also don't know what to say....

Feel quite down today and the black cloud down - didn't sleep kept waking and look terrible but come in to work to keep mind off it hopefully.  

Inever would have left my ex even after all the problems as all I ever wanted was to have a family unit and to me marriage was forever.   I couldn't keep my ex happy and now I have lost my boys  to him who ruined

Evening blog

I didnt think I'd need you tonight but guess what here I am again...what a night and day !!

I got a txt from my ex (this a thing that I dont get why do people call their ex's STBX, when I think after what he's done he is my ex even though still married and not even talking about divorce - should I be calling him STBX ?) anyway get a txt from him last night at 10.30, asking if i was well and had a nice tan and give the kittens his love, ( his mother obviously told him I'd gone away) he also said we must catch up soon and 3 kisses.....I didnt reply but felt sick when I got it..

I