Had my first weekend wthout the kids last weekend - dropped them off and waved bye bye with tears in my eyes - to see them walking up his drive with there little suit cases broke me, it just felt so wrong.  Weekend was ok, went out on saturday night - got chatted up by every letch and their brother which made me feel sad.  STBX dropped kids off on sunday, they had a great time - he even held a 'family' belated birthday party for my 3 year old daughter, bradley my eldiest said she had loads of prezzies but daddy said they had to stay there for next time she stayed. strange i thought that she

When I was 15 years old, he just went. I mean, he wasn’t much of a role model in truth, but still – he was my Dad.

…and as time moves on and the years tumble by, I look back on those years after he went and realise what a bloody mess I was.

I mean, there I was now the new “Man Of The House” having to deal with such situations as finding my Mum in the under stairs cupboard in darkness holding a knife to her neck. What a bloody mess I became.

And I stayed like that for many years – and only now that I have a Son of my own can I realise why I was like that: I had nobody whatsoever to teach me how

Yesterday afternoon was odd. He has the week off work to spend with youngest, and he came back early with her and we put giutar hero on and I cooked a roast, it was like an old sunday, then I had to kick myself and remind me we never used to play family games, u it was nice. After he left I had odd emotions. Had a very bad nights sleep and an early morning as oldest had to go in for day surgery (all went well today), and he drove with youngest to meet me for lunch, again odd as they had planned to go elsewhere for lunch be he wnte to come see me. Conversation was hard. It's like i don't know