well this month would have been my 4 year wedding anniversary and to be honest its hard, after being with someone for 10 years and married for 4 takes some getting used to.

i dont miss him, he wanted rid of me, so its his loss

 i just feel sad that i may never marry

I thought I would try and put my feelings down in a blog and hopefully see that with time things will improve- i just dont see how right now.

How can I ever trust myself again after falling for such a man? Everybody else in my life saw him for what he was - a con man and a bully. Why didn't I see it? 

 I can cope with everything that he has thrown at me- i went though my pregnancy alone- dealt with the huge debts he left me with alone-worked 2 jobs to 8 1/2 months and returned to work 9 days after giving birth- took the daily verbal abuse and dealt with it alone- I thought I was coping that is

Dear Blog Was ok earlier - really ok. After all the upset.

He had a bath and opened my door and I was talking to Sarah on the phone. She makes me feel strong! he asked when harriet was coming home and I said me might as well go now! How rude of me...

Anyway me and georgia pottered about - went to town to get the last few birthday bits for harriet and when we got back he as there talking to oliver and he had cut the grass! although the conversation he had with oliver was all about him going and oliver can see him whenever he wants (oliver is 22)

we had a bit of row - i just can't control it. he