Ugh! I have a shudder running through my body when I look at today's date. It is his birthday today.

I imagined, some weeks ago, that I would be able to be friendly & send him a text saying 'Happy Birthday', but no, I am not going to do this. He is with her. & they are celebrating together. I am not a part of his world anymore. I have no place in his new world.

He probably half expects a text from me, after all, I was the woman who begged him to reconsider his thoughts about leaving, pleaded with him to go for counselling, told him I would always be here for him, no matter what, no matter

Hello!

I woke up this morning & was immediately aware that they are here, loitering in my thoughts again. It is his birthday tomorrow & she is taking him away for a few days- He doesn't know where. It's a surprise. How nice! (Yes, I am saying this through gritted teeth, especially when we could never really afford to give each other much- not that it mattered - in my world, love isn't about expensive gifts or trips).

I am on annual leave at the moment so I must keep busy, busy ,busy. I do not want to waste my time torturing myself, wondering where they are, what they are up to. I need to

well back from my holiday, and trying to keep things moving forward.. got the consent order giving me my right to the house proceeds and I am faltering and struggling.

Have forms to complete from the solicitor and forms to complete about the house sale,all needing to be done before house goes on the market.I am stalling, trying to find time to fill the damn forms in but just struggling with every day things at the moment.Keep feeling very tired and keep waking up at 4am, and then falling asleep early evening.

Today I was over at my parents and had to listen to how they and my sister never