been wondering lately if I'll ever enjoy being a wedding guest again?  Read a newspaper column last w/end listing 25 things that a pessimist should do before they die - one entry was going to a wedding without thinking the bridge & groom will be divorced within 5 years.  Sorry.... not sure I can do.

 I am really pleased for all my friends (and there seems to be an awful lot of engagements / weddings at the moment), but I can't help being cynical.  Since I left my ex 4 of my friends have split up from their husbands.  (not a jibe towards men, it just happens that these friends are all women).

I am still quite a wiki newbiebut have spent alot of time in and out of chat. 

In the earlier days when I found it hard to speak about my nightmare situation, I found being able to help others gave me a sense of purpose.

Since then, I have learnt how wiki chat works and have found an unbelievable level of support, real friends who really care...and for whom I care right back.

I haven't been able to blog before, it's all too raw  and I thought I'd leave it as a sort of "next stage" in the process thing, for the future.

Tonight, I feel compelled to speak my mind:  I couldn't do it in chat in the

Well, I have to update you dear blog.

I am still in a bad way today and can't think of anything else other the my lost time with my children.

As far as dating goes, I am obviously far to fragile to be able to handle this yet. It seems my date last night was not quite as keen as I had hoped. I am a bit knocked by this which is why I have realised I am much too fragile to cope with the possibility of rejection. After all, divorce and seperation is all about rejection. To risk the possibility of further rejection is foolish in the extreme! 

So I will be re-evaluating and licking my wounds for a