Hello!

Well, here is my first blog entry. It's difficult to know where to start. When I introduced myself I said that I am coping on a practical level but not emotionally. Well,  today I let myself down because I had one last shift at work before 2 weeks holiday & I burst into tears 10 minutes before I was due to leave home & phoned in to cancel. I haven't missed a shift since I returned to work (a week after my husband left) & I took myself by surprise. I think I'm just so tired of holding everything together & the thought of the final shift was ‘the last straw'. I think that part of what

Where to begin?

Potted history - March 2007, mum's cancer getting severe.  She lives in Essex, me in Somerset.  I'm spending a lot of weekends with her, leaving my wonderful, caring, supportive husband home alone to look after our two children and home.  But he is so caring, he doesn't mind and supports me in anyway he can.  (truth - no irony)

May 2007 - husband feeling lonely?  Unsupported whilst I'm focused on mum?  He starts affair with his works secretary.

August 2007 - we cancel holiday in Greece as mum very very poorly.  Send kids to spend summer with In-laws as they have such fun there. 

I'm really disappointed with myself today,  If I step back 10 days, I was doing ok, feeling more positive and getting out having fun.  Then 10 days ago he came round to see the kids and since then things have gone downhill.  It hurt me so much to see and speak to him.

I'm now feeling like everything thats happened must  be my fault ... well he wouldnt leave me if it wasnt would he ... especially as there is no-one else involved?

The see-saw of shall I sell the house or shall I stay put continues.

I'm cross for my mum and dad dying and leaving me without a real shoulder to cry on and leaving me