So all in Wiki land..

Tell me, does there come a time when you can wake up and stop thinking that all this is a horrible dream, and that you can just roll over and hold the one you are still in love with?

Do you actually get to accept it all and it wash over you?

 Seems to be taking a mighty long time

 Anyway, the relationship with the x has now broken down to extremely low levels to the extent that she is prepared to argue openly infront of the Children.  Difficult as I only get to see them at weekends and it looks like that she is comfortable in making sure they can associate Dad with upset.

I think this has been the worst week I have ever had. After my last blog where he said he didn't love me I hit the bottom. I wouldn't commit suicide but it's what my brain was telling me to do, I was throwing up, non stop crying and well you all know what it's like. It got worse on friday as my 15yr old had enough and went to my sisters. Before people think why didn't I go to the dr before to get help, I couldn't, I was waiting for a medical report to be done for a new job that I start on 1st Oct, I need the job as it is my fresh start and without it I can't afford mortgage. The report was

I thought id start a blog, to try and get some of this negative energy out of me.

Not feeling right at the moment, im very panicky and my heart wont stop racing.

Ive gone through every emotion under the sun today.

Im so scared of being alone, i just feel so down and lonely and he seems fine, its not fair, why cant he feel some of the pain im feeling, mind you why would he, its him that has told me he doesnt love me and wants to be on his own.

I woke up this morning so sad and scared, he picked me up because i had to sort clothes etc out, now he's gone to work. I have so many questions that i need