When I met up with Bob on Tuesday, it was the first time for a while.

I'd been keen to fill him in on the latest, the latest being the fact that I'd found support in this website.

For a long time I've been thinking of having an affair. It would be my way of demonstrating to myself that not all women were as selfish, unreasonable and controlling as the one I'd married.

There are special websites for married people who want to have an extramarital affair, but without losing their marriage. In fact, I'd even asked if I could use his credit card to pay for a membership so that it wouldn't  show on

I'd been so looking forward to yesterday. Silly really, but the kids had been around me so much (especially H because she'd finished school in May), that I really needed "ME TIME".

Yesterday, they were back at school! At last! ...and her, COW as I've nicknamed her, was at work, and I had the whole house to myself.

Now, I'd taken a bit of time here, and a little time there, to start - and bring up-to-date - this blog. I was almost at the point where all the crap highlights from the past had been entered, the history had been written about so-to-speak, and this blog was then ready for my

Need to blog and stay close to wiki at the mo, was going to hibernate for a few days but I know that is the worst thing to do.

Yesterday he arrived at 6pm as planned. sat down and I asked for exact details of his current relationship with her and asked where he was at and where he wanted to go with me. He said he is living day to day and no idea where he is at or where he is going. She is a very close friend and it is at the moment non sexual. He couldn't explain how everyone thought they were a couple, he said other people lie and twist things. He cares for me but no love now. He said my