On the 1^st of February I knew deep down my wife was having an affair but the hope, dream, that I was wrong tore me apart until she confessed on the 7^th March.

Since then it's been a rollercoaster of emotion and pain. Sometimes, I've done well other times I haven't. As I write this I'm in one of the bad times.

We are both in our forties. I think when you get over 40 at some point something inside you realizes that in terms of your life there's more behind you than ahead of you. This triggers a mid life crisis, you are as healthy and well as you can ever hope to be and you question your life

Lost.Totally lost after feeling totally abused and having that time to think about things since he left December 06. Frightened,confused, and how could I have lived with a man I didn't really know. Maybe my recovery is to begin to believe he wasn't the person I thought he was. And not to make excuses anymore. Am starting to believe in myself again and recognise the person I was before I met him. But it's shattered dreams and I wonder is he really happy where he is now. Can't be if running up bills of 17k on having a good time. Too superficial .He has not returned to work but on sick leave.

I haven't blogged for a few days, I have had alot going on...

Sunday I came onto wiki & poured my heart out in the chat room. About how I have been covering up the bad things up in my life, By pretending it isn't really happening :( A special thks to Fat Boy Getting Slim & the others who comforted me & gave there words of comfort, suport & advise. I have decided to write about my life on wordpad, It's going to take me ages & i'm hoping it might give me some insight why I deal with certain situtions the way I do & why i'm so unjustly harsh on myself. I doubt tht i'd blog tht as some of it is