Hi all.

had to get my thoughts down tonight.

been in floods of tears, just started falling and cudnt stop them, and im usually so stong and together, feels like its not really me.

got email froms sols today saying the affidavit I had done for deemed service had been accepted, (had to do this as he wudnt sign the acknowledgment).

so this is really happening. I feel really sad, and lonely and lost. and the tears fell, tears for the loss of my past life, and fears for the future one.

I am strong, I have coped with loads during may marriage, miscarriages, 2 prem births, house repo, bankruptcy, and

here again sory been so down and now i know why ! life is cruel to the point of being sadistic most of the time we can just brush things off but every now and again reality comes and bites you hard this is one of those days for me the reality  for me is coping on my own with no partner to share with the day to day things you know silly stuff ,hows work etc ive been trashed once and dont ,no wont be trashed again my armour is back on the sheilds are up i wont be hurt again even if it means a life on my own cant ,wont !!  i used to be so giving but i think while im starting life again i will

Am back again for a moan.  My friend and her daughter were out for dinner tonight and who walked into the restaurant but my ex and his mistress.  She gave them some verbal abuse and then immediately phoned me.  I contacted my sister who managed to catch up with them and also gave them some abuse.  Feel like crap now that I know she is here and they are openly flaunting their relationship.  Aaaahhhh I hate him why did he have to do this to me and the kids.  I can't believe he is still managing to get to me.  I feel so