Roasting hot today 42 degs C. Everybody sweating buckets under the unforgiving sun. We had the computer network crash today so I was not able to lose myself in work like I would normally do. Consequence........bad attack of the blues and a crisis of self confidence. Doubting myself, doubting that my analysis of my wife and I's relationship problems. Thinking once again that it was all me that caused the split. My excessive drinking, that I started all the bloody arguements. So I printed out  our e mail fight that I had saved on my laptop.

The clues are all in the language that people use. They

I don't know why but I was reading old diaries late the other night.  Such was my confusion over the past twelve months I somehow missed some things that were fundamental to the failure of my marriage.   He was really good at convincing me I got things wrong or made too much of things.

Seventeen years ago when I was so miserable living overseas, he told me that he would like to stay there.  I must have been in denial, because I somehow just kept going,  working to help pay the bills, looking after my children and coping with his absences on business.  

Sixteen years ago I told him I thought I

Just found out that my useless waster of a husband who has never been able to hold down a job or do anything for long enough to make a go of it - including our marriage - is in a band that is actually going somewhere! He is actually going to make some money and make something of his sorry life. I doubt very much that he will want to share this with his son.

I doubt that he will spare a thought for his wife who supported him when he had no money, nowhere to live.

How can this useless man who has let down everyone who has ever cared about him: his parents, children, wife, friends can actually be