Well still in a mess. Still was hoping. Next installment. He turned up just gone 11am on his birthday, I had no idea what was happening. He said what did I want to do. He was feeling ill so didn't want to do much but wanted to spend day with me. Not kids but me. Kids didn't really want to see him so no issue there. We took dog out for long walk then came back and I made up picnic as a buffet at home. Then chilled in lovely sun in the garden and talked and laughed. He went off about 5 as he had arranged to meet pals in pub. He didn't have great night as wasn't feeling great but texted me last

Its been a while since I last blogged as I'm trying to keep myself busy.  This helps me to get through every day and can be a distraction but I do feel very tired by it all.

My partner has left me for someone else - a friend of ours - and my self esteem has taken a bruising.  However, I went out last night with some people I hardly know and had a really good time.  I thought about what to wear and made an effort getting ready and although the prospect was daunting and I was nervous at first I met some really nice people and had a good time chatting.

My partner and I were together for 15 years

Hmmmmm, good bit is I haven't cried since sunday, but having internal wobble. Felt a bit of anger and stuff last night and then just had awful night. Had one of those really vivid dreams about him me and the barmaid, I dreamt he left her and came back to be and she was gutted. Then couldn't settle and had millions of things going around my head. So this morning am very tired and feeling vunerable. I am going to see lots of him this week as he taken week out to see 15yr old. I am just really not sure where my emotions are.

He says he not with her now, but that comes down to trust which I don't