He's been nice to me lately. It's not perfect, but I do appreciate it anyway.

But I find that the niceness is not enough to make me ‘happy', and the nastiness - when it comes - is not enough to make me ‘angry'.

I am finding that I have lost my passion. I used to have so much passion. I had a passion for life. But now I find everything is just bland.

Nothing tastes of anything. I eat because I have to. I sleep when I cannot stay awake. I enjoy nothing. I feel nothing. Everything is just bland.

I am not happy he's being nice. I am not angry he still blames me for his affair. I am a little sad. I

Well thats my option. He has no intention of introducing me to his friends. He said I was pi**ing him off by asking. He said be patient and wait and see. It is his way or no way. I said that was not good enough and unless he had something to hide then surely his friends would be happy to see him reconcile his marriage. He went off on one that I had told a couple of close friends that we had a chance.

Now to me it all says he has something to hide even though he denies it and accuses me of being paranoid. Even if he not sleeping with her he seems to want his single life and with her as the

I've so many feelings fighting to get out that it seemed time to get the blog out.

I have just been wrestling with the emotions kicked into life by my stbx suggesting we start talking again. We haven't said more than a couple of words since April, and the thought of it had me in tears, so I have said that it is not what I want at the moment. Actually I said I had nothing to say to him. Since replying in this way I have been struggling again.

Why can I still not see how it is for myself? When I wrote in forum what he had said in his e-mail, my reply and his response to it, there was such