Well today I found out what I have been looking for these last few months - evidence that my wife is indeed still in contact and very much in love with her "ex" boyfriend. (for those of you not familiar with my situation - wife has affair and says its all over but here we are 3 years later and it's still on - we are planning divorce in a couple of years anyway when she wants to be 'on her own').

 Anyway, I am half 'calmed' by what I found and yet half distressed. Today I found around 5 or 6 texts to and from one another saying how much they have missed each other over the summer and how

He's been nice to me lately. It's not perfect, but I do appreciate it anyway.

But I find that the niceness is not enough to make me ‘happy', and the nastiness - when it comes - is not enough to make me ‘angry'.

I am finding that I have lost my passion. I used to have so much passion. I had a passion for life. But now I find everything is just bland.

Nothing tastes of anything. I eat because I have to. I sleep when I cannot stay awake. I enjoy nothing. I feel nothing. Everything is just bland.

I am not happy he's being nice. I am not angry he still blames me for his affair. I am a little sad. I

Well thats my option. He has no intention of introducing me to his friends. He said I was pi**ing him off by asking. He said be patient and wait and see. It is his way or no way. I said that was not good enough and unless he had something to hide then surely his friends would be happy to see him reconcile his marriage. He went off on one that I had told a couple of close friends that we had a chance.

Now to me it all says he has something to hide even though he denies it and accuses me of being paranoid. Even if he not sleeping with her he seems to want his single life and with her as the