I am trying to work my way through this. I am trying to find some peace with this. I take into consideration the situation on the whole. And I keep questioning myself.

It is clear that I haven't done the right thing in the past. I should've asked him to leave the minute I found out about the affair. I should have asked him to leave well before then, when his treatment of me left me miserable, drained and broken.

It was unbearable. He was living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and yet he'd be huffing and puffing complaining about everything, then go out (to go to her?), only to

well 7 weeks have passed since he left. I still don't know where my life is going but I do feel happier now. He's agreed to the divorce at last although i'm still getting I love you messages. I asked him today to stop sending me nasty texts (got a pay as u go number so able to contact him re the kids) I reminded him that he has a girlfriend, one who was special enough to walk away from his marriage for and that he should be happy with her and leave me alone to get on with my life. I've met a nice guy and we seem to be building a friendship(that's why i got nasty messages from s2bx) I'm not

Hi Mr Blogman...

 well today is sunday traditionally a family loving homey day...ive just driven past a youngish couple, she was pushing the pram he was carrying the baby.....she clocked me watching them, and I burst into tears....and cried all the way home..

 now when im sat here my friend has just called asking me if Im alright....eerrr no i say...she says whats up ??

 uummm actually i'll tell you whats up...im tired, my grandmothers dying and dr's think she will be dead by tomorrow, my husband has had an affair and left me...im 40 years old !! this was supposed to be the best time of my life