After yesterdays glimmer of hope, I think i've gone and blown it...... again.  How stupid am I!

I tried so hard but this morning after a full ten hours of relentless dreams about a happy ending. I went and bloomin text him, not just once .... three times in a row.!!!!   So angry with myself now ... why dont I take my own advice ...Why cant I learn to be patient, back off and just let things happen.

 I think its because everyone, at work, at home and my social circle, expect me to be the one in control, the one who sorts things out ..... the capable one!!  This means that I tend to rush at

Waiting to get back in again

It feels like I have literally been shoved out now .I am waiting to get back in again. I simply do not know what to do with myself in the early days. I just know this, if I have I stay in the house on my own, I will crack up I am crying a lot now. 

Living on my own does not bother me now 4 years down the line, as I have been off and lived my life , learnt so much along the way .I have  even gone  travelling  on my own ,just like all the other middle aged , redundant parents .I have adapted well to living on my own ,just as if I am normal 

Good morning all you wonderful wikis ,

I suppose these are the end days of a 12 year relationship.  With him leaving Thursday morning for 2 months to work in another province, that will be the last I will see of the man I shared 12 years of my life with.  Lots of tears this morning.  Hope you won't mind seeing me more than ususal in chat in the coming days.  It will be strange to be alone here in this small city, where I don't speak the language or have any friends or family.  I must say, he has kept me fairly isolated.  I'm overwhelmed by all that I will have ahead of me in the coming weeks