After my last blog I hoped things would improve. They haven't.

I just wait for his mood to lift, so I can talk to him, all I get is how he wished he could fix things, how he wants to know why I wont go to relate with him to fix our marriage.

I did ask for us to go for help 2 years ago, at that time he thought there was nothing wrong with our marriage, it was me, the time of life, hormones, mid life crisis etc.

Now he says "why didn't you tell me you were so unhappy"  "why didn't you make me listen"

He is so depressed but won't do, or can't do anything to help himself. He is getting support from

Have found my mind wandering of late and a smile appearing on my face when I least expect it. I find myself thinking about certain things when I should be concentrating on others. I have a spring in my step and find myself singing all the time.

 I have now realised that I have good friends; special friends in my life who love me just for being me and maybe that has helped me to smile even through some bad days.

I can now see my life as an adventure; exciting, a little scary and uncertain, funny, sad and full of a whole spectrum of emotions. Now I have friends to share the adventure with it

Thanks for advice all.  I realised today that I have not heard from him for two days and it kind of feels good, although weird too.  My nisi should be coming through tomorrow which means we are another step closer to closure.  I am still not really sure how i feel about him.  Somedays I hate him and am angry with how things have turned out, other days I miss parts of our life together but mostly I am relieved that it is almost over.  I just wish he could stop listening to people who only know what he tells the and think they can judge me and tell him the things I am supposed to be going to do