I dont know why, but whenever my day goes to pot - i write a blog.  I just wish i had something good to write, maybe one day.

Went to the solicitors today, he handed me the papers that explained why my husband wants a divorce.  Apparently I shout and try and control him.  I almost feel bad that he has suffered me for 11 years.  I mean, when i think about the times he said to me that i was his honey,  and could'nt wait until our children had children and we could laugh at them trying to cope and all the times the boys would moan because they'd find us kissing or cuddling in the kitchen, or

First time blogger so forgive mistakes/lack of bblog etiquette if such a thing!

Why is it that friends don't undersatnd that you're feeling so rubbish u just need to stay in your pyjamas with all the curtains closed? Today it's hit me that I'm 40 in two months exactly and at this moment in time I'll have nothing to celebrate and don't even know whether I'll have somewhere to live.

I spose I hoped that I could keep everything at bay, just for a bit and for once not think about all the financial calculations, how my dreams had died and how the future really looks so bleak.

I thought all i wanted

It is so unfair. How can I stop him having financial control over me?

Once again, he has failed to pay my Child Maintenance on time. My mortgage is due tomorrow and still the CSA have not received his money. I could shift some money around; although even this is  getting hard to do as my reserve tank that is there to pay my solicitor's bill for the transfer of property is being "borrowed" left, right and centre.

Thing is, he has NOT paid before; not just a late payment but NOT paid. So I would be leaving myself wide open and then not having money to feed the children for the month if this is