Arrived for my course this morning feeling fairly subdued, not really wanting to face the reality of what staying in an abusive relationship has done to my children.

The first thing that was said is that we cannot blame ourselves for the effect all of this has had on  our children because whilst we were with our abuser we had no power to protect them.

That goes against everything a mother stands for; the one thing above all else that she should be able to do is protect her babies. But you don't expect to have to protect them from the only other person that is truly part of them.

It was also said

Woke up this morning feeling quite empty; still the first thing to enter my head was Carl. Seems like life has little direction today but life goes on, it has to, with my  5 children and my 7 month old nephew needing my attention I tried not to dwell on things that could have been, maybe even should have been.

Mine & Carl's love for our respective children and the feelings felt for each others meant that we had to take the decision that neither of us could cope with the guilt of the prospect of hurting our children in all of this.

Not going into detail about the situation as I want to respect

Why do I stay? What could be wrong woth me so bad that I let a man hold me down for 14 years? He lies, cheats and Drinks.... and I accept it. We are always without decent funds although he makes decent money. I know I don't spend it I sometimes don't leave my house for weeks or more. Not because he won't allow it but because i'm so depressed I don't want to. He doesn't physically abuse me but does hold our son over me, if I leave with him he will call the police for kidnapping. His family actually apologizes to me for his behavior, somewhat encourages me to leave. I took care of his sister