My wife and I finally had the conversation that I have been waiting for.

The decision is that she wants a separation and the couple counselling is only to be used to facilitate that. So at least there is some clarity and the ambiguity has been removed. My wife needs the space to think and the kids will go with her and the house will go in the spring.

Apparently, when a separation was requested by my wife in spring that would have only been for a few months but that offer was not taken. It was not taken because we couldn't afford it and my wife had just tried to take my name of the mortgage,

So this evening I find out if my wife has discussed couples counselling and if it is something that she will try. I am immensely worried about this decision because I have raised the subject for 13 months and now it is a decision that my wife will make after discussing it with her counselor.

This is quite hard to accept. To me it is a no brainer. You try counselling to see if it will make separation easier, you try it to see if it will repair the relationship. Either way it makes it easier.

But I am not involved in the decision. And I have been dreading the wait.

Anyhow, wife came back

I am now in a position where I realise that I am jealous. Not of her career as my wife and counsellor thought, nor of her support of colleagues at work.

No, I take her desire to have space for herself and to spend tme by herself, her Facebook conversations, texts and meetings with colleagues as a slap in my face saying 'I prefer to spend time in any otherway than with you!'. The doubt keeps coming into my mind that someone else is trying to be a friend with the intention of being more than a friend later.

My rational side does not believe it, the irrational thoughts just seem to keep