Caz2467's Blog

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Am new to this site, rather nervous and not sure about where to start. Kinda hope writing this will help. I suppose I am after some opinions/advice from those who are going through a divorce....

I am 29, have known my husband for 11 years, he is 5 years older than me. We have been on and off for those 11 years - got back together 3 years ago. We took it slow this time, I wanted to see where things would go and after a year and a bit things were going really well and we bought a flat together. 9 months later he asked me to marry him, which I was thrilled about. We got married in July last year (such an amazing, loving, lavish wedding that his parents kindly paid for) and in September we started trying for a baby. During the first week of January, I found I was pregnant about the same time he told me he was not happy and had not been happy for 3 months or so. This was complete news to me - he never gave me any indication of his unhappiness. When I told him I was pregnant, he looked at me with disgust and after a few mins said that he didn't want anything to do with the baby whatsoever. If I chose to have the baby he would make his financial contribution as required but would have no involvement whatsoever. Well, I completely broke down. I was crying so hysterically I could not breathe. He packed a suitcase and left. No explaination as to why he was unhappy, said that we were too different and that we lived like room mates instead of a married couple - he did not 'feel' married. He would not even try and work it out - just decided he wanted a divorce. No discussion about it. Thought that getting married would make him happy but it hasn't.

He left on the Sunday and I called work to explain (they were great) and had the week off. I was in peices - probably as hormones were all over the place too. I could not eat, sleep, kept crying, throwing up - the works. He never called me once to see how I was, showed no concern and no compassion - still hasn't to this day by the way! Just left me too it. He has his own problems which I could go on forever about and is on anti-depressant medication.

I saw a solicitor who confirmed that I would have to wait until July for a divorce and that I would have to divorce him under unreasonable behaviour. Apparently he has no grounds for divorce as I have not done anything wrong and didn't want any of this. Upside is that he will probably have to pay the costs. Least he can do really!

I had everything I wanted....a lovely home, husband and was pregnant and within an hour he had taken it all away. I had a termination about 4 weeks ago and, as much as I wanted a child so badly I cannot begin to say, it was the right decision for me. Obviously I am still incredibly sad about it all but have to move on.

With hindsight, I think I should not have married him. Don't get me wrong, I did love him. But I think I settled and compromised too much on too many things about him - all because I was and still am fixated on having a home, marriage and a baby by the time I am 30. It's what I want and still want. And if I am really honest, I wasn't happy either but because I wanted those things so badly - I was willing to overlook everything else.

I don't understand how I got this way. Anyone who knows me would describe me as a very indepedent, confident, happy girl. Somehow with him, I think I feel insecure and feel I can't do anything without him - very unlike me.

I have hardly spoken to him - we only speak if it's something to do with the sale of the flat. I am almost back to my normal self and stronger until I hear from him or any member of his family.

I feel ashamed to be getting a divorce so quickly and so early on. I really believed and still believe in marriage - he obviously doesn't. I suppose it's better to find out now rather than 10 unhappy years later - but that doesn't hold much comfort I have to say. I wanted the fairytale and I thought I had it. I think I am more upset about getting a divorce and the termination than I am about the relationship being over? Does that make any sense?!

What happens IF I meet someone else? How do I explain all of this, and when?, and will that person want me after he finds this all out? What does this say about me? All of my questions are along these lines...!

I feel like I made a huge mistake but so incredibly jealous of all the other people I know who are getting married, having kids etc etc. Not sure how to get over this part?!

Anyways, any advice or thoughts you can send my way would be much appreciated!

Feb 29

2008

Hope Everything will be OK

Posted by Caz2467 in my story

Hi there,

Am new to this site, rather nervous and not sure about where to start. Kinda hope writing this will help. I suppose I am after some opinions/advice from those who are going through a divorce....

I am 29, have known my husband for 11 years, he is 5 years older than me. We have been on and off for those 11 years - got back together 3 years ago. We took it slow this time, I wanted to see where things would go and after a year and a bit things were going really well and we bought a flat together. 9 months later he asked me to marry him, which I was thrilled about. We got married in July

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