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Mar 07
2008
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i have a few hours at home, finished early after a long conf call with singapore, the house is empty, scott round mates house and sarah in berlin,and i am in a reflective mood.
I dont believe anyone on here has ever not questioned themselves in any process we are going through, but how many admit to finding an answer to those questions which implicates themselves, most of us have been wronged, lied to, cheated on, abused and used, But how many times do we really question ourselves as a contibuting factor to our situations, and have the stregnth to admit that we were part of that demise. I can only speak for myself, the last 2-3 years have been a real journey of massive proportions, i have been married for 25 years , known my stbx for 27, worked my socks off to give us a good life and yes i guess she did to, and my children.
Was always there for her and protected her, so where oh where did it go wrong.
I have had 2 years of denial, and finally 3+ months of counselling now to try and come to terms with what has happened prior and to move on , and to be fair its getting a lot lot better better, i still have black moments, who would not after such a long time emotionally bonded to one person who still feels they can dump thie emotional baggage and run. The divorse is progressing and hopefully it will not get very messy
She says they just fell in love and it just happened( sounds familiar eh), but i dont get that, we have/ had a nice house, we have 2 great kids, good jobs, no money worries, so what was it, if we had all that, the common denominator must be me or her , maybe i just try to hard to hard to find the whys and wherefores. My kids say i should just stop worrying about it, my counsellor says i am a better person than they will ever be, but you still ask those questions and seek that holly grail. maybe one day i will find it ,if it really exists.
In reality its best to leave the past in the past, i am learning that the hard way with what she has done, she has walked back into my life so many times and only because i was stupid enough to care. My biggest fault in all this was no self respect. Respect for others only begins when you understand and respect yourself. I guess what i am trying to say is maybe i did not respect her enough, if i did not have any myself, how could i respect her. Ah well answers on a post card, and next session next week so thats one for the counsellor.
take it easy
Ricky.
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divorceVeteran
said:
| March 09, 2008 | ||
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"But how many times do we really question ourselves as a contibuting factor to our situations, and have the stregnth to admit that we were part of that demise." It's a good question, Ricky....a very good question. I would like to see that question posted in a forum. To be truthful I ask that of myself, even 7 years later after an extremely acrimonious divorce. I was the one to leave, true. I was the one to petition for the divorce, true. But was I solely to blame for the demise as my ex would,it seems, believe? What is the justification in the philosophy of romantic when it is over, when it is only one one partner who admits to feeling a loss of love, a loss of joy, and a feeling that there is something/someone more than what they have...It is cruel, horrible and tragic that one is no longer loved by the person they trusted most. For me whether it is lying to myself I don't know, but I can only accept that I had only half of the responsibility for the troubles leading up to the divorce. Forgiveness of myself is a work in progress for even one-half of the responsibility. I wish you understanding and peace..... |
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