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Mar 06
2008
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Tension building up to my first hearing and don't know what to expect as my x to be has delayed doing his form E. Even with a court order and a threat for a penal application form E still not exchanged. The last I've heard is that his will be ready sometime next week literally few days before court 17th March. He's had nearly a year to complete and he has not even been working as on "sick Leave". I know he is co-habiting possibly the reason for not completing form E so as not to disclose address and certain assets. Just want divorce over to re-start my life. That's painful enough as he's the one who wanted to end the marriage. Unfortunately he didn't tell me by words but by actions. He pushed me to the limits to the point where I felt like a ping pong ball not knowing whether I was coming or going. How cruel to find out eventually he was having an affair for real and then prolong the divorce and make things difficult. Unfortunatly we had problems 6 years ago when I kept finding out about his aquaintances with young girls which he said were just platonic. After a lot of heartache managed to believe and forget and put it down to pressure of work. We've been married for17 yrs and still can't get over the events over the last 2 years. That is another big story. This is what has eventually led me to start the divorce. I have not seen him for a year after an injunction and after dealing with so much pain I feel emotional to have to see him in court. Especialy as he wants so much out of the settlement although we have a young son. This is a very long story to be continued. Wished I had found out about this site a long time ago.
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scottishlady
said:
| March 07, 2008 | ||
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Hi Anuska..... Your story has familiarities to my own... I was also married seventeen years, my STBX was having an affair, and wanted to end our marriage... I also believe he is cohabiting... and he is doing his utmost to hide assets..... I saw him for the first time in seven months only last month.... at our 'first hearing'..... and, I saw his Form E about 20 minutes before going into the hearing.... He was ordered to supply missing documentation (bank statements) within 21 days..... well, the 21 days have been and gone, and still no bank statements.... My STBX also seems to want pretty much all of what we have.... on one hand he says we should split 50/50 on the house, but, then on the other hand he says he 'needs' 150K to buy a new house (only 150K equity in our home)..... no splitting of any other assets, plus a 'clean break' re income.... I was absolutely dreading having to see him at court, because of my emotions..... but.... the reality wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.... I felt very little towards him.... the word that comes to mind is 'disgust'..... I told myself that after 7 months, there was very little he could do/say to make me feel as bad as I had when he left me..... and I was right!!!! I conducted myself with dignity (I think)..... I didn't look 'down in the mouth'..... I looked the best I possibly could...... it all helped me 'to deal with it'... Oh.... I was shaking....my stomach was doing giant sized butterflies..... I was very nervous.... but I didn't let him see any of that.... The court procedure was, in itself, reasonably simple...... we went before the judge...... my sol said we hadn't received all the documents necessary.... the judge ordered them to be supplied..... there was a little confliction re the value of our house.... the judge ordered more valuations..... dates were set..... and that was about it..... My STBX and I never exchanged a word..... I tried my best to avoid looking at him..... we went through the procedure, and we both left.... The thing is...... you find the strength to deal with it..... it's not easy.... it isn't pleasant..... but you do it - because you have to..... I hope, like me, you find the reality not nearly as bad as the imagining..... I wish you well.... SL  |
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Anuska
said:
| March 08, 2008 | ||
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Hi scottishlady.Have abit more time to tell you your comments has given me that extra bit of strength. I understand the disgust you felt as I feel that already. It's also the pain you feel and the deceit after so many years that makes it hard to face him. Throughout the last 15 months he does not know what an emotional wreck I've been whilst still trying to be strong for our son. Offcourse he would probably guess that as he knows me but i would not be willing to let him know becouse all I might have left is my dignity. All I want now is a fair share for the sake of my son's future and hope I don't have to face an injustice. All in the hands of solicitors and judges I suppose. Am worried that he might have the upper hand as he has not returned to work for 2 years.He works for a bank and they are still paying him half pay. His sickness which he is now calling "lethargy and "mood swings" has changed from depression. But I suppose he can't use depression as I got credit card bills of his in error and he has had 2 holidays since he left, restaurants, concerts etc. I think he will not go back to work and is waiting for a pay off. My solicitor is also concerned that he may start drawing on his pension because of his "illness." I will soon be writing about my story when I get the time as this week i have alot to do in preparation to court including meeting up with my solicitor to raise a questionnaire once form e's exchanged. I heard yesterday it will be done next week. He's left it until last minute. Dread to think whats on there. Will have to plough through the file that contains all the paperwork shares,peps etc and make sense of it. He's a financial planning manager so am sure he would have changed alot to fix things long term etc. I thank you again for your comments. You have made me realised that you do get through it and the build up to the first hearing is probably worse than actually being there and doing what you have to do with dignity. | |
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