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May 24
2007
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Wow, like having children, no one ever prepares you for divorce -not that knowing would ever stop it happening. I have found that trying to control too much in this process is futile and just rolling with the punches then get back on your feet is the only way to survive. Some days the blows are soft, others they are a devasting direct hit, flooring you for a long time, but just get back up and keep going.
I think it is not just the 'ex' but family, friends, the dreaded barrage of creditors, the solicitor, work colleagues, work clients and children all bear down, sometimes it seems simultaneously - and you scream in your head "leave me alone" or something similar.
It is quiet bizarre but now looking back I can see where the 11 years of marriage went wrong, sometimes it is a significant moment, other times it is a slow agonising period of unhappiness - I am almost sympathetic with my ex-wife's view of the world - not that this makes living day to day now any easier.
Anti-depressants seem to work. Like a real man I waltz into my GP "hi, I'm not doing so well" then burst into tears - what an embarrasment. Luckily he was pretty sympathetic, having known me for many years, not that it makes it any easier. I think the sense of loss is the worst, which during long lonely evenings is magnified out of all proportion - this is such a dreadful place to be mentally. Even thinking of what might be doesn't make it any better.
What is worse, is knowing she has replaced me with another guy, who is now playing 'daddy' to my two wonderful girls and there is nothing I can do.
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DownButNotOut
said:
| May 24, 2007 | ||
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Gee Maverick - I feel for you. I was reading your posting nodding my head at everything you wrote, thinking "yeah i know what he's going thru - same for me", then I got to the last line and that really hit me - it hurts just reading the last line, never mind living thru it. I really dont know what to say, except i'll be around on this site if you ever want to talk thru things. Good luck mate - you'll always be their true Dad! | |
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DOUGIE
said:
| May 24, 2007 | ||
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Hi Maverick, dont worry about your two girls and their new "daddy", they'll always know who their real daddy is, but its good that the person she met is good and kind to them, imagine how you'd feel if he wasn't. Your ex, her new man, you, and your girls all know who the real dad is and that will never change. Someone once said to me " we all think we are on this earth living and that when we die we go to hell, but really we are on this earth in hell and when we die we will be living" Through times during this nitemare of pain and suffering called divorce I wonder if that doesn't have a ring of truth to it. Try not to let if get you down, things do get better (someone also told me that!)  |
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Shelia
said:
| May 25, 2007 | ||
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Hi Maverick I get down too. somteimes I just feel like dying. I try to think that there is light at the end of a tunnel, and my children and how it would be for them if I did not get through this. if you are lonely of an evening perhaps you could get in the chatroom? it seems an underused part of this site, but a good resource. Crying is the sign of a real human being! which means. I'm very human cos I do a lot of that. I also keep a diary where I can put all the stuff that goes on with me, it helps to get it out on paper. Mind I do find getting bloody minded helps and think I'll just survive justa to spite the world and everyone in it (also job hunting so feeling rejected from that). Maybe we need some jokes. How many solicitors does it take to change a light bulb? |
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Liago
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| May 25, 2007 | ||
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Maverick, Nodded my head all the way through your thread. Divorce is horrendous and affects everyone around you in one way or another....I don't think emotionally there are any winners. Rolling with the punches ( trying not to understand and rationalise the legal process) is the only way to deal with the whole sorry process......Which is hard if you are usually the self-contained, consientious type. We all relate to the emotions you mention and I hope that sometime in the future, there is happiness out there to be experienced again by all of us. Hang in there :- X |
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